I bet my doctor thinks I'm stalking him. Seriously. Apparently, I've got this Wash, Rinse and Repeat mindset with my health. Yet another month and I'm spending another Saturday night in the DHMC emergency room. I'm getting good at it. I have charged batteries, the computer, change for the vending machine, and a foot with toes that look like little sausages. Fortunately, it is warm so I can rock my Vera Bradley flip flops. Well, at least on my one foot. I do have a slip on sneaker on the other one. And I have a matching pair of the mismatched shoes in my backpack. The good news? We now know it is not related to my TM or MS. It is a Gout like condition. (you've "gout" to be kidding me....) Hydroxyapitite crystal disease, to be exact. Just another Latin phrase for my collection. Fortunately, it is treatable, but it still hurts like a son of a snickerdoodle. (My kid friendly curse word.) I think Lilly thinks they are dog treat "Snausages". She keeps licking my toes as if she thinks they look tasty. Good grief! (Do they still make those? I can still hear the crazy voice from the commercial saying it in my head.)

No one gets sick alone. We are each a part of a vast network of family, friends and humanity in ways that only George Bailey truly understands. Our lives have a ripple effect that moves forward throughout our individual webs.

One of the hardest parts of a chronic illness is seeing the pain my illness can cause a loved one. It can come in many forms. The look away when a friend sees me for the first time walking with a cane or walker. The flinch of disappointment when I turn down an offer to go out again. Sometimes it comes disguised as being super positive, such as when someone tells me insistently that they know someone who has this same condition and they are fine. The truth is maybe the person you know really is fine, or maybe they look fine, but don't feel it. Regardless, it's evident in your concern that the thought of me not being OK is something you really don't want to think about. 

There is a picture circulating on social media of a 3D perspective picture that completely changes when your perspective changes. It's by Patrick Hughes at the Birmingham Art Gallery. Google Superduperperspective and you can see the video for yourself. It's pretty amazing. From one angle the picture jumps out at you with a pyramid of images. Then as you move to to the right or left suddenly it recesses back with corridors moving away from you. It's really astounding. It is a visual example of how much difference perspective can make in life.

I spent MLK weekend in the hospital again, Optic Neuritis was the latest Latin name to be added to my string of words that now shape my life. Basically inflammation of the optic nerve was distorting my vision, making it blurred and giving me headaches. Now, when you are an avid reader like myself, not being able to read is a stab to the soul of who I am. Not to mention, the ability to read is an integral part of day to day living from paying bills, to reading mail or a recipe. Fortunately, I am a good enough reader that I could read a text or FB post if it was brief by looking at it and quickly reading the sentence as a whole, or most of it at once. I could type because my fingers pretty much knew where to go, but proofreading? Ha! And a full page of any text was a blur of frustration.

There was a show on public television from 1990-1995 called "Keeping Up Appearances". According to IDMb, it is a show about "A snobbish housewife is determined to climb the social ladder, in spite of her family's working class connections and the constant chagrin of her long suffering husband." I remember my dad, a big British humor fan, watching the show. Hyacinth, the female lead was constantly trying to portray herself as an upscale lady, despite her life circumstances to the contrary. It was the stuff that made for great comedy.

The truth of the matter though, is that there is probably a little bit of Hyacinth in each of us, at least one time or another. I remember having a conversation with my first husband many years ago. It was something about winning the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. I'm not sure what sparked it, but it ended up with him accusing me of caring so much about appearances that I wouldn't answer the door to win the Publishers Clearing House on film if I were still in my pajamas looking less than stellar. The sad thing was, at that point in my life I was so insecure, he was probably right. Ironically that was also probably one of the least stylish times in my life. I suspect jammies and disheveled wasn't much of a loss.

Life's roads have many twists and turns. Sometimes we even end up retracing our steps. There are accidents to avoid, unexpected detours and sometimes bad weather to endure or avoid. But occasionally, life takes a 180 degree turn that we never see coming. There are no warnings and more importantly, no way back. The bridge washes out. There is no way to get back to where you were. That is when one life ends and another begins anew.

For me that began on September 7, 2016. It was one of those dates that are so life impacting that you remember the date with vivid detail. I was 7 days into a new job as a special ed teacher at a new district with a new principal and new superintendent. Lots of "new".