The In-Between

 Social media is a wonderful way to share adventures and special moments in life. It also can bring encouragement when sharing a difficult moment. But too many difficult moments make people uncomfortable. So what about the times in-between? I have done a lot of travelling the last several months. Virginia, Maryland, Ohio, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire. I have had wonderful moments with my family and friends. But what happens when those moments end?

​Traveling is a great way to boost your spirits and create adventure. It can also be a good way to escape. But you can’t travel forever. There comes a time when you have to go home. In fact you want to go home. Being a guest eventually is wearing on you and your hosts. As Dorothy said, “There is no place like home.”
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For me, home ceased to exist when I sold my house. It was what needed to happen. It made sense on paper to be there to help my folks and travel the rest of the time. But looking good on paper, is very different from the day to day reality to make it happen. It’s like making a list of resolutions. On paper they all look great! Lose weight, exercise, and complete various professional and personal tasks. The problem comes in the daily execution of these tasks. 

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​People love the accomplishments! I just completed the Holiday walk challenge and have begun the January walk challenge. I am always proud to share the results. People are quick to use words of praise. “You are amazing”. I never feel like I really deserve the accolades, though.

​It is so easy to miss the in-between that lead to that success. I have often thought it might be interesting to post my real feelings each day leading up to that success. “Ugh. I am tired. I don’t want to go out. It’s cold.” Gets ready anyway. “I hate this. Trying to get this stupid chair on and off the car rack is a pain.” Takes chair off anyway. Gets the dogs out of the car. Gets set in the Grit. Sees the joy on Megs face as she runs. Feel a bit better. Finish walk and roll. Feel glad it is done. Go home and try to warm up. Reflect on the trip, and how I might be able to make it easier. Log run on website. Researches and buys self ratcheting ties to secure the chair easier in the cold temps. Repeat, this time researching better harnesses to keep Meg from pulling me up the hill when I want the exercise. Or the times when I just sit alone in the silence and finally let the tears fall, then wipe them away before heading to a place where I will be seen.

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The in between is not attractive. It is where the hard work happens. I think sometimes people think that when you achieve something big that you must be special or that you have a special ability that makes it easier for you to do it. Somehow the perception is that we tackled a big task and in success we make it look easy. The truth is, the in between is hard. There are a lot of white knuckles. There are tears and tantrums. It is not easy. The only thing that matters is that I get up, wipe my tears and keep going when the tantrums are done.

In the light of the several high profile suicides last year, it made it more poignant for me how critical this in-between time can be. We all try to put our best face forward, but there are places behind the moments that can threaten to undo all the successes seen through the camera lenses.

I continue to be surprised by moments when I am embarrassed to be seen with my canes, or moments when my heart drops a thousand feet when I realize there is something I cannot do that I used to. You would think I would have accepted it by now. But there are still times when I just want to hide away and not be seen. I mourn my former life, career and hobbies. It is a battle that is unseen in the in-between moments.

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​So many people have said to me, “Wow, you were travelling so much last fall. I never knew where you would be next.” For me traveling became a way to try to avoid the in-between. If I could just keep moving, I wouldn’t have to face the reality that existed when the wheels stopped moving.

But we aren’t meant for constant motion. Our bodies require moments of rest, and so do our spirits. Sooner or later we all face the in-between moments. I personally think how we face those seemingly insignificant times that have the greatest impacts on our lives. Do we face them or ignore them? If you throw a pebble on the ground every day, it may at first not even be noticeable. But eventually that pile grows enough to start to make a difference. What we choose to throw on the pile makes a difference as well. Is it something that has value or hope, or is it something negative? Even when we keep moving or busy so we don’t see or notice the in- between, we are still adding pebbles to the pile. We create emotion muscle memory.

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​I move forward because that’s what I do. Sometimes that can be a good thing. Sometimes it pushes me through when times are tough. Other times I realize I’m trapped beneath a pile of pebbles that I created by my constant movement. Then I have to slowly take the pebbles off until I am strong enough to break through the pile and start over. Life is a series of mountains and hills that are sometimes thrust upon us, and other times self created.

I guess my point is this. When we look at the accomplishments of those around us, know that more than likely they did not soar to the top of it like a superhero. More than likely it was achieved by daily decisions to do something that lead to that accomplishment. There were likely doubts, failure and frustration along the way. Victory is not just for a chosen few. It is within each and every one of us. And usually, it does not happen alone.
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The messiness of the in-between often leads us to try to hide it from those around us. We are our own best PR team. Look what I did! Leaves out the grumbles, groans, heartbreak, and missteps along the way. I am writing this because it think it is important to remind ourselves that our victories don’t happen easily or without help from those around us. We need to be able to do the hard work and ask for help when we need it. I’m still working on the last one…

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​Life is not easy. There are moments of wonder and joy, but there are also moments of heartbreak and sorrow. Step by step we face them, and maybe as we grow, come to realize that there is a little bit both in each.

I do not possess a special ability that allows me to face my new life. It was thrust upon me and to be honest, there are times that I hate it. But it has helped me to realize that I may not be able to control the circumstances that brought me here, I can control how I respond to it. It has forced me to take a good look at the decisions I make and to understand to how they impact me on a daily basis. It’s forced me to pay attention to the in-between.
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This journey we are on becomes incredibly more meaningful when we are able to share it; the good, that bad, and the in-between with those we hold dear. The people and places may change. I found that in trying to avoid my “in-between”, I had merely rearranged it. Different friends, family and spaces wove in and out of the days offering hope and encouragement that kept me going. They created a mountain of pebbles that I could hold onto when I was faced with the alone times and my own day to day struggles.

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​The road of life can be messy and often way harder than we ever expected. Sometimes, we face the journey alone. Sometimes, we have people that come along beside us to help make it easier.  Most likely it will be a mix of both. The trick is to light the fire within to keep going even in the darkest times. It may only be a spark, but that is enough. We are enough. We are worth the effort. The majority of our lives are spent in the in-between moments. May we each choose to make the most of them.