Through - The Power of Choice

Life isn’t easy. We know that. We are taught that through persistence and perseverance, we can make it through adversity. I have found this to be true. The problem is, I think we often think that once we decide to push through something, that it should just happen. It doesn’t. To be fair, choosing to push through difficulty is an important step. We have to want more and choose more. But it doesn’t just happen because we think it. 
​

​It happens when you choose to do something about it.
​

One of my favorite analogies is exercise. You want to get in shape. Great! That decision is the first step in the process. But it doesn’t just happen by thinking about it. If that were the case, the whole world would be thin and trim.

Neither does it happen by buying an expensive piece of equipment or gym membership. It happens when you choose to do something about it. Go to the gym, pick up a weight, watch a video and follow along, use the equipment you bought.

​I know, it seems like the commitment to buy something should somehow translate into the next part being easier, but it doesn’t. An expensive treadmill in the corner of your room will do no more for you than looking out the window at people walking their dogs or running and thinking you wish you could do the same.

---

​The payoff comes in the doing. But again, just because you want do it, doesn’t mean it will be easy. How many of us have enthusiastically committed to day one of an exercise program, only to have our bodies scream at us later. Wait, what? I did it, I worked hard, it shouldn’t hurt this way. But it does. It is only with the continued repetition of the effort that we begin to get stronger.
​

“It doesn’t get easier, you get stronger.”

​I love this quote; it’s one of my favorites. Sadly, the way to the strength we desire is found through repeatedly slogging through the hard. This isn’t just true for our bodies, but our spirits. 

​One of the comments many people facing adversity often get is “You are so strong”. I even wrote a blog post about it (one of my favorites).
​​

Strong Blog Post Link

​Sometimes the universe doesn’t give us an option though. It slams hardship into our paths that we cannot ignore or avoid. The world seems full of them right now, fire, floods, accidents, life altering illnesses, financial hardships, death of loved ones. We are often thrust into circumstances we have to deal with, even though they are heartbreaking. That surge of adrenaline in a crisis can get us through the initial unbearable times. But the adrenaline only lasts so long, and then we are forced to choose again. ​

In venting to my husband recently, I made the comment, “I WISH I only had my MS to deal with. I can rock that most days, but the caretaking for my mom and her house with my MS and limited resources, is more than I can bear.

​
Right now, I find myself battling a place of anger and resentment that is honest and valid, but if I look at it truthfully, it’s not serving me or my quality of life very well. No matter the amount of complaining or anger I have, it does not change the circumstances. I manage to rise above my MS with hope most days, why can’t I rise above this too?

​The only thing I can do is change my reaction to it. 
​

​This is the conclusion I have come to. I am very aware that with progressive MS, time is not on my side. For now, the medications I take have kept the symptoms stable, but I am aware of increased balance issues, and a slowing of my gait that I hate to acknowledge. I don’t know how many mobile days I have left. It makes me angry to know that I am spending these days giving up on doing the things I want to and yet pushing hard to do other things that  risk of making my condition worse.

And the worst part is knowing that my life will only get better, by getting worse. But this is the situation I am in. I can’t change it any more than the flood or fire victims can undo the damage done to their lives.  
​
The only thing I can do is change my reaction to it. I’m trying, but it’s not easy. I feel like the person who just bought the fancy treadmill. Look, I bought it, exercise should be easy now. Nope. The same is true for the new attitude and life balance I am trying to create. Every day I have to continue to make the decision to be better, not bitter. 

---

​Every day I have to continue to make the decision to be better, not bitter. 
​​

I began the year determined to post positive quotes on my hope4life180 FB and IG pages. I started off strong, but as often happens, my commitment has waned. But giving up isn’t going to help me reframe my life with hope. It is going to be hard. Uncomfortable. There are going to be times I don’t want to do it. But the only way to get there is through. O.A.R. sung about it perfectly.

O.A.R. Through You Tube Video Link

​Through. Going through is the culmination of a million choices, small and big, that take us where we want and need to be. Writing this is my own personal challenge to help me reframe the choices I have and can make each day. I had an author friend challenge me to make time each day to sit down and write the cozy mystery I am working on. Even if it’s only 500 words, she said, do something. Any step forward is progress. 

​So I did. I haven’t done it every day, and that’s ok. Somedays I only wrote 500 words, others I wrote 2250. It’s not the way I want to be able to do it, but I am doing it. I have gone from 32000 words to over 47000 words since she challenged me. I’m learning to let myself enjoy the process, rather than considering it a run to the finish line. ​

---

​Going through is the culmination of a million choices, small and big, that take us where we want and need to be. 
​​

​For me, this is through. I’m also trying to make time for creating art, because that also brings me joy. That progress has been a little slower, but I did make valentines cards that I sent off, so that’s still progress, right?

​​
I’m going to start posting the quotes again. Not because I want the attention, but because I need the reminder. Any maybe someone else will find my reminder when they need it too. That’s a double win. 
​

---

​
So, here’s to the slow slog. That hard that most people don’t see. The unglamorous and nitty gritty that gets us through. And remember, just because someone makes something look easy, doesn’t mean that it is. Through isn’t meant to be pretty. It’s not the photo op or the warm and fuzzy moment. It’s the showing up again and again, despite the failures. It’s the determination to see it through. It isn’t the waiting for results, it’s the creating the results. 
​

It’s the determination to see it through. It isn’t the waiting for results, it’s the creating the results.