Some thoughts on COVID 19, Trauma, and a lesson from Frozen 2.

These are strange times indeed. They are times when choosing to not have the infusion that helps hold off irreversible decline in my body’s level of function due to my PPMS (Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis) is the choice I must make to help to keep me alive. They are times that took a quick trip to see my daughter's new house and pick up my camper to  bring back to  NH into an extended stay out of fear for what returning might do to my mom. A time when I must choose to leave my 87  year old ​mom alone to help keep her safe. It is a time of  choices for everyone.  

​The thing is, I heard a news reporter make the statement these are some of the scariest and worst times many of us have ever experienced. But for me, it is not even close. Truthfully, as I look back on my life I can come up with at least half a dozen times just off the top of my head that have caused me more pain, fear, discomfort, financial insecurity, and anxiety.  And when I think about many of my friends, I think they would say the same.

I think of a friend who had her 5 year old diagnosed with cancer.  Or the friend who lost her daughter to cancer. The friend who lost a son to suicide. Or the friend who survived the horrors of a still birth. Or the friend who lost her son in an accident. Friends who have endured abuse, or the friend who experienced a violent crime that stole a spouse and a child at the same time. Friends that face the crippling pain of severe depression and/or anxiety daily. Or all of my friends that have shared the diseases that bond us together that took our lives, shook them until they came apart into unrecognizable pieces, and threw them on the ground. When I look at my list of battle worn friends, I am amazed by the variety and sheer number of them. For those experiencing the loss of loved ones from this pandemic, this is their moment of horror and grief.
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​​ The thing about trauma is what we do with it, as we survive through it and crawl beyond it. It never leaves us. It changes us. But how it changes us is up to us. It can leave us bitter and broken, or we can begin to rebuild our lives in new ways that make us stronger, with more empathy for others. The thing is, bitter and broken is always the first part of the journey. There is no escaping it. The agony of our trauma is the part that tears us apart. But eventually there comes a time when we have to make the choice to continue living. It will not be the life we started out with. It will not be the life we longed for and dreamed of. And yet, it is life, and in life, there is value. Remember that, because it is important, and I will come back to that in a bit.​

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Survivors are strong because they have experienced a loss that has made them appreciate the blessing and frailty of life. Be it from death, illness, injury, emotional trauma, fire, flood, or other natural disaster, those of us who experienced that kind of pain often recognize the same spirit in those who have suffered the same. The causes may be different, but we each know the experience of loss.  It has often been written by survivors that you don’t know how strong you can be until you have to. I have also heard survivor friends say that they hate it when people comment well-meaningly on how strong they are. They don’t feel strong. They are just doing what they need or have to do.

​But isn’t that what strength and courage is? Doing what needs to be done despite the fear or the pain? Putting one foot in front of the other? Think about what it takes to be physically strong. You continue to push yourself through pain and discomfort on a regular basis, and eventually your body begins to transform in a new shape; one that is healthier and stronger. Emotional strength is the exact same thing. The only difference is that we don’t choose to be in those situations. But we do choose to grow through it. When we choose to emotionally to “do the next right thing”, to quote Frozen 2 (and also Michael J. Fox), we are exercising our spirit. And we grow.

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​The hidden link between all survivors lies in their empathy. At some point, I firmly believe that emotional growth comes from taking our eyes off of ourselves and looking outward. Finding the motivation for “the next right thing” is key. Sometimes it is clear; a spouse, a parent, a child, loved ones, or friends. Other times the motivation may be a little murkier. Perhaps it is just an inner feeling that there is more to do. It may be that in taking your eyes off yourself, you find compassion within you and realizing that there are people you can help, or lives that might be touched and strengthened in sharing your journey.
 
So what does any of this have to do with the current world scenario? From my perspective, there are a several things. First, to come out the other side in a better way, we have to first walk through the pain. It is not easy. It does suck. It is uncomfortable. But if we make the choice to “do the next right thing”, our actions can make a difference in others lives.

​That brings me to my second point. This crisis comes on the heels of some very troubling times where people have been treated poorly based on color, race, religion, loves, shape and size. Now, we are at another crossroad. The weak, the elderly, and the medically impaired are now in the cross-hairs of a viral sniper taking aim.

If you had the ability to stop someone with a gun from shooting at people in nursing homes, or in hospitals, or targeting the sick or weak, along with some random unexpected people who are caught in the fire, would you stop them? Of course you would, you say! Even if it was uncomfortable for you? Even if it impacted you financially? Because that is exactly where we are at. Choosing our comfort over the lives of others, is no different that nodding to the sniper as he heads to the roof and saying do what you need to do, because I know I am not your target.

​​Financial hardship sucks. Isolation sucks. I know this first hand, because the irony for me is that this entire self quarantine experience is not very different from my everyday life with TM and MS. I spend long periods of time alone away from other people. The work I can do in writing is mostly done from home. I do not get to see friends and former co-workers. I cannot work at my trained profession and receive but a small fraction of what I used to make. I live in fear of illness that will cause me greater disability. And yet, I choose life. I make the decision to look beyond my circumstances to the good that is around me and the good that I can do and be for others.
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And there is good EVERYWHERE!

​I am so incredibly heartened by the numerous ways people are reaching out and creating light, laughter, hope, joy though messages, music and cyber-connection throughout the world. That is exactly what makes my day to day life memorable and meaningful. My friends and family do that for me regularly.

​Now the world has been given the opportunity to do the same for one another, while at the same time being the heroes that stop the sniper from reaching his victims. The horror that this disease creates is not something we can escape or ignore. We have to push through it. But we can choose how we react to it. We can practice empathy, compassion, and count a few of our own blessings that we might have taken for granted. We will come out the other side forever changed, but with faith, hope and maybe a little luck, we will be a bit stronger, kinder, and more grateful, and maybe even have saved a few lives. 

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